The Calgary Stampede is the city’s biggest event of the year, and it’s been a summer tradition for more than 100 years. The Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth spans 10 days of festivities, celebrating Calgary’s western roots, culture, and community spirit. While Stampede is generally a family affair and a great place to have fun, it’s also a setting that can amplify underlying issues in relationships on the brink of breaking down.
In the weeks following Stampede, calls to mediation firms spike by 50%. The saying goes, “It’s not cheatin’, it’s Stampedin’!” But how do people end up in these situations? Copious amounts of alcohol and revealing Stampede outfits contribute to improper behavior. In 2007, a downtown Calgary hotel made front-page news when patrons at its Corporate Stampede tent could check their wedding rings at the door for free and even airbrush a fake golden glow on their ring fingers. Infidelity is rampant, and it’s a misnomer that it happens more on the male side—it’s practically even.
During an initial call, we hear everything, whether we want to or not, and it’s pretty juicy. Stampede shenanigans add to the details. The result is a lot of hurt feelings and broken trust in an already vulnerable relationship.
But what does divorce really look like? What happens to us when our relationship ends in divorce?
The Realities of Divorce: Emotions & Business
- Divorce is a Grieving Process
Reality TV and tabloids often sensationalize divorce, portraying it as a time of high drama and intense emotions. In truth, divorce is a grieving process, akin to mourning a death. It’s crucial to seek a supportive network of people and professional help if needed. According to Divorce Coach Cindy Stibbard, “There are 7 stages of grief in divorce: shock, depression/denial, anger, bargaining, taking accountability, and acceptance. The biggest hurdle is being stuck blaming and shaming yourself or someone else in any of these stages. Moving through these stages and taking accountability leads to starting fresh.”
- Divorce is a Business Transaction
Many are surprised by the sheer amount of paperwork and money involved in the divorce process. Those who can focus on the division of assets as a business transaction, keeping emotions out of the settlement process, make better decisions for their family.
- Starting Fresh is Harder Than It Sounds
Separating your joint assets from your spouse requires time and paperwork. This includes registration, tax documents, vehicles, houses, insurance, medical benefits, name changes, bank accounts, loans, and more. Communication with your spouse on these items is necessary and will take time.
- Unexpectedly Losing Friendships
You expect to lose the relationship with your spouse during the split, but you might not expect to lose relationships with lifelong friends. Many who go through divorce describe how mutual friends are often lost in the process. It’s not necessarily about choosing sides but about the change in dynamics. If you usually went on couple dates, for example, the balance is thrown off by the split.
- You Will Miss Your Kids
While you’ll have more time to yourself, you’ll miss your kids in a big way. When you’re used to always having your children around, their absence is felt powerfully after a divorce. For the first few months, you may feel extremely lonely for your children and your family life, possibly even questioning your decision.
- Co-Parenting Can Be Exhausting
Shifting to a co-parenting approach is challenging both emotionally and physically. “When parenting young children, you provide hands-on care to help them grow. As children enter their teens, parents transition into a supportive role. Building strong anchors when children are young creates a stronger bond when they enter their teens. This is challenging in co-parenting situations.”
- It’s Dangerous to Jump Right Back Into Dating
The old adage about getting back on the horse doesn’t apply to relationships. Moving too quickly into a new relationship can be a way to avoid dealing with issues that led to the marriage’s dissolution, bringing the same problems into your next relationship. Jealous ex-spouses are also a possibility, potentially complicating parenting arrangements or settlements.
- Your Physical Health Takes a Hit
A 2010 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that middle-aged men and women are at higher risk of developing cardiovascular disease post-divorce, with women facing a higher risk.
- Your Mental Health Declines
Divorce impacts mental health by increasing anxiety levels. The future you once pictured no longer exists, leading to uncertainty. Depending on the circumstances, you may have to move, get a new job, and survive on less money.
Negotiated Agreement
When thinking about divorce, we often focus on the business aspect—constructing and agreeing on a Negotiated Agreement (or Separation Agreement). This starts with financial disclosure from each party. At Borger Mediation Group, we aim to understand what you need for a long-lasting agreement. From coaching to mediation, we guide you through our process, helping you find solutions for your emotional, financial, and family complexities.
How to Avoid a Stampede Break-up
Divorce involves a lot of emotional and financial work, but there’s hope for those worried about their relationship during the Calgary Stampede. The event is mainly risky for relationships already vulnerable due to a lack of trust or communication.
Communicate!
If you’re in a vulnerable relationship, you need to communicate. Many of us haven’t learned how to have difficult conversations, leading to aggressive or detached behavior under stress. Discussing boundaries, trust, and inclusion with your partner can help ensure you both have a good time at this year’s Calgary Stampede. Better yet, you’ll still be together at the end of it!
Navigating the Calgary Stampede with your relationship intact requires awareness and communication. By understanding the emotional and practical aspects of divorce and taking proactive steps to strengthen your relationship, you can enjoy the festivities without the added stress of relationship turmoil.
References
Daniel, A. (2020, March 6) 23 Effects of Divorce that People Don’t Talk About According to Experts. Best Life. https://bestlifeonline.com/divorce-effects/
Gaspard, T. MSW, LICSW (2020, February 18) The Remarriage Manual.
Jones, C., (2022, May 26) The Big Fling.
Stibbard, Cindy BA, BEd, CDC®, CDS® CHCC™, ABA, Divorce Coach at Fresh Start Mediation and Divorce ReDefined.
Trotter, Susan PHD, Relationship Coach
Walfish, F. PSYD,(2010, December 7) The Self-Aware Parent.
